2 days to 1/2 time

Dear Friends and Family,

I have two days until my 3rd treatment, which will be the half way mark.

I am thankful for and humbled by the constant reminder of God's goodness through the faithful prayers of so many.

I am rejoicing with a friend, Ken Knipp, who just had a clean PET scan after his battle with non-hodgkins lymphoma! God is faithful. I am borrowing a practice that Ken, the head of all training for Young Life, started during his treatment. He would wear hats that were sent to him to cover up his "bare wood" (see last post) and take pictures of them to send out. Ken sent me a Young Life Frontier hat which I am wearing in my profile picture on my blog. Thanks, Ken!

Here's a shout out (or, blog out) to all you Young Lifers out there! Keep serving, praying, giving and loving this amazing ministry that brings the good news of Jesus Christ to young people all around the world. May God richly bless you and your work for his kingdom.

In Christ alone,

Newt

Bare Wood

Bare Wood



I am only bare wood.

All the varnish has been rubbed off;

The stain has been stripped away.

The knots, that were once branches,

Have all been sanded down.



As painful as it has been,

It has somehow been cleansing,

Less covered by the layers of living

Which masquerade

As part of my wood.



"Not so", said the Carpenter,

"I have new purposes

For your wood.

Aged, cured, seasoned with time,

You show true colors and original grain."



"My purposes will be clear

As you fit into this new piece

I am now building.

Let the chemicals strip,

The awl cut, the paper sand."



"Let go of the covering

Not essentially yours.

Release the past stains,

No longer the right patina.

Submit to my well trained hands."



"Remember that I chose you from

The pile of used planks,

Though I could have left you untouched,

Lying there satisfied

With your station in life."



"Yes, I have chosen you because

You are still in need of re-making.

I have a plan that includes you,

But first you must become

Bare wood."

Fixing our Hubble Telescopes

Dear Friends and Family,

As you can see by my new picture below, I have opted for the hairless approach and shaved my head due to the side effects of the chemo causing my hair to begin to fall out. Despite my new look, all went well at my recent treatment. Thankfully, my blood counts were back to normal, and I was able to receive the drugs without any serious side effects again. Thank you for continuing to pray that the cancer will be totally eradicated. I mistakenly mentioned that I would have a CT scan after my third treatment, but it will actually be after my fourth treatment in mid-July. I am hopeful that I will be cancer free at that point, and the last two planned treatments will only be for prophylactic purposes.

I suppose everyone has heard of the Hubble telescope that is taking the most astounding pictures of outer space while it orbits the earth. Here is the link to the official gallery of photos:  http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/. Recently, I was reading in the paper and listening on the radio about the need to do some serious maintenance on the Hubble as it has been in orbit for a number of years. Astronauts from NASA were sent up to do the repairs and had to wrestle with stuck bolts and changing basic equipment, much like we might do on our cars on the weekend, except of course they were orbiting the earth in zero gravity atmosphere wearing full space suits while working on a machine that likely cost 100's of millions of dollars.

I was also talking with a professional acquaintance of mine this past week, and we were reflecting on mankind's interest in "the beyond", things which are outside of our known existence, like outer space. This interest in "the mysterious" is built deep into our human psyche and extends to the spiritual realm and the existence of God. While there is much we know about God - through nature, the cosmos, our own humanity which bears God's image and certainly through his revealed word in the Bible - God is still set apart from our complete comprehension. He is wholly other, and his ways can be inscrutable.

I also happened to be reading in the Bible this past week in the gospel according to Luke. Luke, a physician, provides a careful and focused account of God breaking into time and space through an alien-messenger sent to two chosen people. The alien's name was Gabriel, an angel who "stands in the presence of God" (Luke 1:19). He was sent to a man named Zechariah and to a woman named Mary. Although the news was good (two history-altering sons were to be born to them), Zechariah and Mary were both initially troubled and fearful (Luke 1:12, 29, 30). 

Zechariah's Hubble-like perception of the alien being needed a bit of adjusting, however. He did not quite comprehend exactly WHO he was talking to, since it is not everyday we humans are visited by the archangel who attends the Creator of the Cosmos. His insolent question of "How will I know this?" in response to Gabriel's message earned him the privilege of being mute for  the rest of his wife's pregnancy with John the Baptist. Mary, on the other hand, was faith-filled and merely asked "How will this be, since I am a virgin?" (1:34), and later stated, "let it be to me according to your word" (1:38).

Like our physical Hubble, do our spiritual Hubble telescopes need some adjustments or updates? Is our resolution of the mysteries of God and life a bit fuzzy? Are there a few stuck bolts that need to be loosened so that we can stop asking "how will I know?", and instead start saying "let it be unto me according to your word"?

God is trying to break through to each of us, using various means - images of the vast beyond of space, relationships with loving friends and family, sickness and suffering, possibly even a visit from an angel. Are we tuned in to his images? Are we picking up his frequency?

Chances are - if you are seeing his images clearly - they are pointing you to Mary's son, Jesus. In fact, that was Zechariah's son's main calling in life, to herald the life of Jesus Christ. Gabriel, the awesome and fearful alien, told Mary that her son Jesus "would be great and called the Son of the Most High. . . and of his kingdom there would be no end." (Luke 1:32,33) The apostle Paul later called this same Jesus the "the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible. . . For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by his blood on the cross". (Colossians 1:15,16,19,20)

It might be worth pondering Gabriel's and Paul's words as you check out the Hubble pictures. He created the heavens; he created us. He wants to bring reconciliation and peace in our lives and in all creation. Humbling. Exciting. "How will this be. . . let it be unto me."

In Christ alone,

Newt

Round 2

Dear Friends and Family,

I am ready for round two today. I have recovered from the fatigue that the last round brought. Thank you for your continued prayers for healing. I am confident the medicine is working as I am beginning to experience other predicted side effects, such as hair loss. I got a "buzz" this past week, and a clean shave is not too far off.

I am working on my Telly Savalas imitations - "Who loves you, baby"?

I finished Lance Armstrong's biography "My Journey Back" about his fight with and victory over testicular cancer. It was inspiring even if we have different ideas about God and our spiritual reality. He said in the end that "pain is temporary, but quitting stays with you".

Please pray that the medicine does its work. I am looking forward to a clear CT scan after my third round later this month. Thank you again for your prayers and concern. It means a lot to me and my family.

In Christ alone,

Newt

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Dear Friends and Family,

Life is filled with paradoxes - seemingly self-contradictory statements with an underlying truth - including literary, mathematical, philosophical and even certain folk riddles. Some are rather technical, others inane. While the Apostle Paul was not employing a literary technique when he penned these words - "For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10) - he was making a profound statement about a spiritual truth that he had experienced first hand. To this day, countless followers of Jesus Christ can also affirm the same in their own lives.

As I write today, it has been 10 days since my first chemotherapy treatment. While I have not experienced many side-effects, I do feel weak, tired and my body has ached at times like I have the flu. I take all these symptoms as signs the medicines are working. Although I am thankful that I am not experiencing greater side-effects, I must confess that I wish I had my pre-treatment level of energy. Like most, I don't want to be weak; I want to be strong, substantial, self-sufficient.

Weakness has an interesting effect, however, as it causes us to look to other sources of strength. I think this is Paul's point in his second letter to the church at Corinth. Paul (like me) had some physical malady - he called it a "thorn in the flesh".  He prayed to the Lord Jesus three times for him to take it away. This was Jesus' answer to him:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I am learning, as Paul learned, to call on a power far greater than my own meager strength, even at its peak. Unfortunately, when I am strong, my tendency is to rely on my own strength far too often, even though I know it pales in comparison to what Christ has availed to us by his Spirit. His power is perfected in weakness, in part then, because we are willing to lay aside our own self-sufficiency and call on his other-worldly power.

This is not easy for me, but I find myself in a place where I have no choice, which is in fact a severe mercy - severe in my diseased circumstances, merciful because I am moved to call upon the One who has the power to heal, transform and even raise the dead.

Others likely have much deeper, fire-forged insights into this spiritual truth of Christ's power being perfected in weakness. Please share them on the blog. I and others will be encouraged and benefit from your experiences.

I'll close with what many believe to be the greatest, most important paradox in human history - a cruel form of Roman torture and death (the crucifix) represents hope, redemption and new life. This paradox can only be true because Jesus took his own prescribed course for God's power being perfected in weakness. In laying down his life willingly (John 10:11), he conquered death. In becoming sin on our behalf (2 Corinthians 5:21), he payed the penalty for sin, satisfying God's holy wrath. In being swallowed by the powers of darkness, he defeated them and sealed their doom (Revelation 12:9-11). We know these truths are not the stuff of fairy tales, because the tomb was empty (Luke 24:6, 1 Corinthians 15).

I am glad that paradox exists.

In Christ alone,

Newt

So Good. . . So Far . . .

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts this past Thursday when I experienced my first cycle of chemotherapy. God answered your many prayers as I did not suffer the predicted side effects during the first infusion of one of the drugs, nor have I dealt with any significant side effects at all with the exception of a headache that evening. I am grateful.

I have a confidence that the tough medicine is working, even though the side effects are not manifesting themselves. It may be my imagination, but I do sense some sort of activity in the areas where the tumors are present in my body, within my chest and pancreas. Please continue to pray that they will kill the "insurgents" and minimize the "civilian casualties and collateral damage". One down. Five to go.

I have signed my recent notes "In Christ Alone". His presence has been with me from my first day in the hospital over a month ago until now. In addition to being blessed by the recent Christian hymn by that title, I would like to quote a few words by A. W. Tozer from his book "The Pursuit of God" that amplify my own reflections and experience of Christ during this trial:

"When religion has said its last word, there is little that we need other than God Himself. The evil habit of seeking "God - and. . ." effectively prevents us from finding God in full revelation. In the "and" lies our great woe. If we omit the "and", we shall soon find God, and in Him we shall find that for which we have all our lives been secretly longing.

We need not fear that in seeking God only we may narrow our lives or restrict the motions of our expanding hearts. The opposite is true. We can well afford to make God our All, to concentrate, to sacrifice the many for the One (Christ alone). . . 

The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One. Many ordinary treasures may be denied him, or if he is allowed to have them, the enjoyment of them will be so tempered that they will never be necessary to his happiness. Or if he must see them go, one after one, he will scarcely feel a sense of loss, for having the Source of all things he has in One all satisfaction, all pleasure, all delight. Whatever he may lose he has actually lost nothing, for he now has it all in One, and he has it purely, legitimately and forever."

Tozer's words are worthy of reflection, especially in a world of "much-ness" and and "many-ness" - so many distractions, so many things competing for our ultimate affections. According to the scriptures and in my experience, there is only One who is worthy of our complete devotion and adoration. . .

In Christ alone,

Newt

Poison with a Purpose

Dear Friends,

I am writing to you on the "eve of destruction" - of my cancer cells, that is - as my first chemotherapy infusion starts tomorrow at 9 am at IU Medical Center. I like to think of this next phase as "poison with a purpose" since the drugs I will be given will attack the cancer cells, but at the same time, kill many types of good cells in my body. Four of the five drugs are not targeted in any way, so as they destroy fast growing cancer cells, they will also kill other cells which replicate frequently, such as white blood cells, red blood cells, platelets and cells lining my stomach and intestines. The other medicine is a monoclonal antibody targeted to a specific antigen on the surface of the aberrant b-cells. It will attach itself to those cancer cells and call on my body's death squads to kill the intruders.

So, the goal is to wipe out the insurgents, knowingly suffer collateral damage and civilian casualties, then secure the perimeter and build up sustainable defenses so there will be no more enemy infiltration. Heavy artillery. Special forces. Tough medicine.

There are times when tough medicine is called for, especially when the illness is terminal, or the prospects dire. I along with 66,000 others who are diagnosed with b-cell lymphoma every year are fortunate to have medicines which provide some solid hope of a cure, although there is still room for significant improvement. There are, however,  tens of thousands of patients with other types of cancers and diseases who are not so fortunate - a clarion call for continued bio-medical research and development around the globe, both public and private.

In all aspects of life, not just medicine or the military, drastic measures and harsh solutions are often required. In politics and foreign policy great risks need to be taken to "sue for peace"; in parenting we may need to take stern measures to reign in a wayward child; even in sports, like my beloved baseball, we have the late inning tactic of the "suicide squeeze play" to bring home a runner on third base to score a run, or to be mercilessly tagged out by the catcher.

From a spiritual perspective, there is a disease which is worse than cancer, Alzheimers or serious heart disease. The Bible calls it "sin". It is not a very popular topic during cocktail parties, or on blogs, nor is it often brought up in many of the pulpits in our churches today for fear of turning off the congregants, but it is serious and deserves our resolute attention.

In the midst of his "sermon on the mount" found in Matthew chapters 5-7, Jesus spoke of various types of sin that often befall us - anger, lust/adultery, divorce/broken relationships, swearing, retaliation, dealing with your enemies, attitudes toward the poor, judging others, and so on. At one point (Mt. 5:29-30), he sternly warns: "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."

I mentioned in an earlier blog that Christ is doing surgery on me of a spiritual kind, even if I thankfully avoided my scheduled pancreatic surgery. This type of surgery is dealing with sin in my life that still needs to be removed, or in Jesus' words, torn out and cut off. I am motivated to take this deep look and employ this tough medicine because I see how far short I fall from God's holy standard, and Christ's sinless example while he was on this earth. I am motivated by gratitude towards him for the sacrifice he made on my behalf on the cross. Even if I know my sins are forgiven based Jesus' death and resurrection, I want to hear "well done, good and faithful servant" when we meet face-to-face.

I wish it did not take cancer, or difficult situations and suffering, to motivate us to take the hard, deep look and use the tough medicine of repentance. God designed us so that pain often has a purpose, requiring us to poison those areas of our lives that keep us from following him. Our time is shorter than we often imagine, as I have been clearly reminded, so a bona fide "sense of urgency" regarding these matters is justified.

Here's to dead cancer cells and dead sin in our lives. . .

In Christ alone,

Newt